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  • Writer's picturepammyjdesigns55

Who Am I?

I recently bought a vehicle and decided to get personalized plates (mainly to promote my artist name). But I got to thinking... Yeah I know, bad idea. After reading an article about how people buy artwork for the artist not so much the art. And how your artwork should reflect the artist - the artist's story. Which led to me thinking... what is my story?

Just before I read that article, I had the opportunity to visit an old high school friend of mine in Los Angeles. We caught up on 30 plus years of life. We were quite candid with each other and Thom being the actor he is, commented that some of the fantastical events in my life would be a movie. My comment was "No one would believe it".

As I reflect on all these recent comments and articles a few things crossed my mind. The biggest one being just this... why do people want to share their stories, bare their souls? Many people just keep to themselves and become invisible to the world. A person like me who is uncomfortable with being in the spot light, yet has the urge to share their life? Obviously, I am not a psychiatrist. I can give my thoughts and opinions, yet each person's reasons can be widely different. I think, for me, I desperately want people to know who I am and be interested in me, like me for who I am and not what I can give them.

A beginning look into who I am starts with the facts. I am an only child of deaf parents (actually my father was hard of hearing). I moved a lot as a child - I can attest that I changed schools around 20 times in my life time - a few were the same school. I was a victim of sexual abuse and racial discrimination. I did drugs (never used a needle), sold drugs. Drank til I puked and drank some more. Lost a boyfriend because I didn't "put out". All in all, I was the quiet, good girl trying so hard to be bad. I sang in the choir but wasn't good enough to be in the "special" choir. I was in school plays but always as a dancer - I certainly didn't want the spot light. Oh, yeah... I wanted to take ballet as a child but my father insisted I take piano because his parents were musical. I hated it. Thank goodness we moved too much to take a piano with us.

So, why do I want to be in the "spot light"? Maybe because I don't want to be invisible, unimportant, a nobody. Maybe because I am worthwhile and I want to believe it. And how does my artwork reflect this? Gee - a great question. Guess I will bring you all on that journey to find out!

As my daughter often says... Peace out.


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